A selfish mothers struggle

I've told my friends & family to bear with me this school year as I will take on new roles as mom. I no longer have babies in diapers, toddlers needing naps, or kids that need me to make them their breakfast. (Ok I lied, I still get breakfast for all my kiddos EVERY morning....I like to do it).

Today, my focus has been on my sweet baby boy who is no longer a baby but almost a man! As I sit here seriously balling my eyes out, I can't help but feel so sorry for myself. I'm sad for me. I wish I could be more happy for him. I'm trying. I'm going through all the steps with him being a senior. We are taking him on college visits, re-signing him up for ACT's, college fairs, senior meetings, college applications. What is really getting to me right at this moment is senior night for his last home soccer game. Matt & I have to walk out on the field with him and tonight is his. last. home. game. We have been doing this soccer thing with him since he was 5 yrs old. How do I fathom this? How can this be? How do I get through this?

I know I need to cherish every moment with him. I am. I really am. I'm not sure if I should show him my tears. I don't want him to feel bad but I want him to know how much I really really love him, how much I support him and want him to spread his wings. That means this pathetic momma needs to let him. I know going away to college is what he needs to succeed. But why does it have to be so hard?

Aquinas College

MSU